If Owen Wilson had a business card, it would read “comic wingman.” The surfer dude/everyman has helped amp up the level of laughs, most memorably in comedies with Vince Vaughn (“Wedding Crashers”) and Ben Stiller (in both “Starsky and Hutch” and “Zoolander”).

But when Wilson is asked to command the comedy as a bogus bodyguard in the Judd Apatow-produced “Drillbit Taylor,” his surfer zen and comic timing aren’t enough to propel an uneven film and a script that relies entirely on convention.

Three high school uber-geeks, Ryan (Troy Gentile, a dead ringer for a young Jonah Hill), Wade (Nate Hartley) and Emmit (David Dorfman, that creepy kid from “The Ring” who somehow manages to look like Gollum with braces) are being terrorized by their school’s crazy-eyed bully, Filkins (Alex Frost). In desperation, they place an ad online for a bodyguard and in pops Drillbit Taylor (Wilson), a self-proclaimed formerblack-ops soldier the kids hire on the cheap.

They get Taylor at little cost because Taylor is a homeless Army deserter and a total fraud. He puts the kids through training, teaching them Mexican Judo (“...as in judon’t know who you’re messing with, holmes) and Panda Express while infiltrating the school as a substitute teacher to “protect” the nerdy trio while having classroom hook-ups with the hottie high school English instructor (played by Mrs. Apatow, Leslie Mann).

Meanwhile, he and his hobo buddies try to rob Wade’s parents blind so he can get the money to hightail it to Canada. But Taylor starts to become close to the kids, and the con artist has a crisis of conscience.

Does any of this sound familiar? That’s the problem.

“Drillbit Taylor” is basically “Bad Santa” with bullies and no Santa outfit. Unlike Apatow’s previous films “The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” “Knocked Up” and “Superbad,” which bucked tradition while sneaking in a bit of heart under the cover of profanity and gut-busting comic dialogue, “Drillbit” relies on formula to the point of PG-13 cliche. It’s hard to believe co-screenwriter Seth Rogen (who starred in and helped pen “Knocked Up” and “Superbad”) could have contributed to something so uninspired.

But the film has a few memorable moments. Drillbit’s boot camp and a sequence where Wade and Ryan take turns slugging each other “Fight Club” style, downing Red Bull and playing Playstation fighting games to prep for the film’s final brawl earned a few chuckles. But a scene where Ryan challenges Filkins to a “8 Mile”-ish rap off was funny for all the wrong reasons.

Wilson’s charm and delivery showed he can carry a comedy if he’s required, but “Drillbit Taylor” proves that even the near-flawless Apatow team is capable of slipping up.

Blake Hannon can be reached at blakehannon@npgco.com